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You were trained to link (bind) shame to these natural feelings. Re-read the chapter on toxic shame, and get the book by John Bradshaw that I recommend.
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Dear Derek please help me. I went to have my hair cut 2 weeks ago. I was lucky to have it cut by a beautiful woman. She is 22 im 21. As she cut my hair she recalled seeing me in the salon, a few months ago and she recalled cutting my hair. She also kept on talking about an ex boyfriend of hers who had treated her badly, is this a way of her saying she's available? Then I paid for my hair cut and left, yet you always say strike as soon as possible I generally do but I did not on this occasion. The following day I went back into the hairdressers to ask her out she was not there and I left a message with another girl to tell her I called in to see her. A few days later I went back in and saw her, she was cutting someones hair and I said a few things, how are you and how busy is the salon today, and I chickened out of asking her out and left very quickly a very bad move. The girl had obviously given her the message that I had been in looking for her and do you think now she knows I fancy her? The thing is as I have missed 2 chances to ask her out is it worth me going in again to ask her out, or should I wait until I have my haircut again. Derek, have I messed up already or can I go back into the salon and mend things, and ask her for a cofee. Is this woman still worth going for as I did not strike as soon as I met her? Please help Derek, I have already taken your advise about my other friend and I will start to seduce her next time I see her, now please give me some advise on whether to go after this girl who cut my hair is it worth the effort. What is the best line to say to her while she is working to ask her out. Please help Best Wishes
How did she respond to you when you went back to see her?
If you got some rapport and she acted favorably to you, go back and ask her out again. She may not say yes (you may have freaked her out the way you're acting) BUT she may say yes (she may think it's cute the way you're acting).
Go for it, you have nothing to lose. Think about it, at this moment you don't have her - so the worst has already happened. You can only gain and you have a 50/50 chance.
Regards,
Derek